Host Club Love
by Project 0506
Summary: After finding the twins curled up under a table with Haruhi, Tamaki decides it's time to go to war to protect his daughter's innocence. Rated for Inner Tamaki Theater content
1. Chapter 1

The gentle sunlight poured down over the Ouran School, promising a wonderful day. Little birds twittered and flitted about the gardens and birdbaths. All was peaceful until…

Screams tore through the third music room and burst into the courtyard below, drawing many strange stares. Takashi showed no signs of hearing anything, while Honey-chan's slice of cake fell from his frozen fork. An annoyed vein pulsed in Kyouya's head as the point of his pencil shattered from the pressure.

"What is it Tamaki?"

"M-Mommy! Mommy the twins are doing naughty things to Haruhi!"

The youngest Ootori sighed, wondering why God was so against him finishing his work. Reluctantly he rose and moved over to where a drastically discolored Tamaki stood pointing. "Tamaki, that's a table."

"Under it! Look under the table!" With another sigh, Kyouya obliged and lifted the tablecloth.

"Ugh, too loud! Somebody tell tono to keep it down, he'll wake Kaoru."

Now Kyouya understood why the past year he had been prone to headaches. "Exactly what are you doing?" Haruhi looked appropriately apologetic.

"There was a thunderstorm and Kaoru and Hikaru found me hiding under here and they came to comfort me. By the time the storm stopped Kaoru had fallen asleep and since they were being so nice to me I couldn't wake him up…"

Kyouya shot a glace at the younger Hitachiin twin and clearly saw the '_I'm not really sleeping'_ smirk on his face and a matching smirk on Hikaru's face.

_So, operation 'Tick off Tamaki' has taken a new turn…_ Sometimes he had to wonder about those two. "Fine." He pulled himself up.

"FINE!? MOOOOOMMMMMYYYY!!!! WHAT DO YOU MEAN BY FINE!?!?"

Kyouya walked off. "Hikaru, next time tell Kaoru that Ranka-san would probably prefer if he didn't put his hand there."

"WHHHHHAAAAAAAA!! STARLIGHT KICK!" The table went flying and Tamaki grabbed Haruhi's. "Tell me where! Tell daddy where that pervert was touching his precious daughter!!" Throughout this Kaoru hadn't opened his eyes or released his grip from the girl's waist.

"Hiiikaruuu… five more minutes…"

"Kaoru likes to cuddle tono. You can't really blame him."

Violently Tamaki shook the not-sleeping Hitachiin. "Of course I can blame him! Doing all sorts of things to my little Haruhi under the table! To go as far as to violate her innocence…"

The Inner-Tamaki Theater began its countdown.

_3_

_2_

_1_

_0_

_Haruhi in a white, frilly, low cut dress and white bow cowers under a table as thunder roars outside. "Tamaki-kun! Where are you? I need you to comfort me now!"_

"_Scared Haruhi-chan?" The twins slip under the table. "Here, let us hold you."_

"_B-But I'm waiting for my darling Tamaki-kun."_

"_Of course," they chorus, "but he might not get here for a while. Until then let us put your mind at ease. You trust us don't you?"_

_Shyly Haruhi nods and allows herself to be pulled into Kaoru's arms while Hikaru moves in front of her. "Trust us," Kaoru whispers in her ears._

"_We'll make you forget all about the thunder while we make our own storm in here."_

_Haruhi's eyes widen. "OH! Oh Hikaru, not there! Don't touch me there! K-Kaoru! Oh, Kaoru don't." She can only grab two hands, not knowing which two particular hands she grabbed, but knowing that there were two more roaming over her skin._

"_Don't worry, just enjoy it. Tono never has to know." Their eerie voices crooned together. "We're your friends, we wouldn't do anything bad to you."_

"_I-It's not bad?" They shake their heads. Innocent Haruhi still looks a little nervous. "O-okay then. If it isn't bad…" She lets go and leans back…_

_End credits_

"NOOOOOOOOOO! Haruhi! It's Bad! It's Bad! Make them stop!" Tamaki dropped to his knees, tears streaming out of his eyes. The twins looked at him blankly.

"Tono's thinking dirty thoughts." Haruhi shook her head at him.

"Pervert." She walked off, ignoring Tamaki's completely white face as he retreated to his corner to sulk.

"Haruhi, don't worry. I understand that Tamaki broke the table, even if it was for your sake. I won't put the whole cost on your bill." Haruhi froze and slowly turned to look at the shadow king.

_Evil…pure evil…_

As if either oblivious to the club members' antics, or thoroughly used to them by now, Honey-chan and Takashi ignored the others in favor of a tea party with Usa-chan. (Honey-chan did most of the tea party things while Takashi pretty much just sat there because he wanted him to.)

"Tonooooo…" The twins sidled up close to the still-depressed Tamaki. "We should have a contest."

"Hmph."

Ignoring the '_Go away, I'm not speaking to you'_ vibe the king of the host club was giving, they pressed on. "There won't really be a prize, but winning the game will be the best prize. The contest will be 'Who Can Get Haruhi's Second Kiss'!" Getting no response, they turned away and spoke in stage whispers.

"I guess he doesn't really want to play."

"I guess. Well, it won't be as fun without him, but I bet it would be easier."

"But Hikaru, that isn't really fair, I just realized. You already had Haruhi's second kiss!"

Tamaki turned a shade of blue.

"That's right… and it's no good playing for her third kiss, since you got that right after I got the second. It's no fun now."

Red fury crept up the blond's face.

"I know! We'll make it more interesting by making it an open contest. We can put up posters and have an entrance fee and Kyouya can donate a prize to the first person that steals a kiss from Haruhi."

"Well that would be fun, more competition and all. But I didn't want it that big. How about we just play for a look at her underwear then? The first person to get a picture of Haruhi in her underwear wins."

"YOU TWO! HAVE YOU NO SHAME!?"

"Tooonooo," they drawled, "you want to play the kiss game with us then?"

"You're on!"

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

"Kyouya! Kyouya wait. I need to talk to you!" Mentally counting to ten, then twenty, Kyouya paused and waited for his idiotic friend to catch up. "I need a favor!"

"No."

"But…"

"I'm not helping you get Haruhi to kiss you."

"Nonononononononono." He waved his hands madly. "That's dishonorable! I only agreed to this game so those two twin-demon spawn wouldn't try to humiliate Haruhi. What I'm planning to do is play this game completely oppositely. My purpose in this game is to keep the Hitachiin brothers from her."

"This is your fight."

"But Kyouya!" Tamaki grabbed onto his arm. "Think about it! Those two are evil! And Haruhi won't be able to pay back her debt if she gets pregnant! Can you imagine trying to hide a pregnant woman's gender?"

Kyouya made the mistake of trying to picture Pregnant Haruhi and shuddered. "Fine. But I won't get personally involved."

Tamaki stopped listening right at 'fine' and was now dancing in glee. "Here's my plan!" He whipped out a television set from his bag and plugged in a VCR (also in the bag) and popped in a tape. Cartoon pictures of the Hitachiin brothers appeared on-screen, walking toward a crudely drawn Ouran Academy.

"When did you have time to do this?"

"This was in storage for a special occasion. It's my brilliant backup plan. I call it the "Have Mori-sempai, Honey-sempai And Kyouya Help Me Keep Those Purely Evil Devil-Clones Away From Haruhi And Protect Her Innocence From The Impure Ones Who Would Seek To Use Her Only For Their Own Amusement, Namely Those Twin Brothers Who Shall Not Be Named For Fear Their Evil Penetrate Through The Very Air And Taint This Plan With Their Evil" plan. Catchy, isn't it?"

"How long did it take you to come up with that name?"

"Three weeks, but that's beside the point. Now, when the twins come to school in the morning…"


	2. Chapter 2

Summary: In which Tamaki's Plan commences and the twins begin a counter attack.

"_Do you see them?"_

"_How could I miss them? I wonder…"_

"_What happened? Is something wrong with Haruhi-kun?"_

"_Why are they here?"_

"_Maybe somebody tried to hurt Haruhi-kun."_

"_OOOH How romantic! After barely escaping with his life, Haruhi runs to the only person who can protect him. And Kyouya gladly offers him protection, secretly caring for him although maintaining his cold exterior."_

"_MOE!" Girls squealed at the Moe-ness of it all._

Haruhi's hands clenched and unclenched in annoyance. "If it's any consolation Haruhi, this was all Tamaki's idea. Apparently he aims to protect you from Hikaru and Kaoru."

The girl glared at Kyouya. "And THIS was his brilliant plan? Having you use your secret police to dog my every steps?"

"Basically. There were other things there too but I really was not listening. What's the matter?" Haruhi had stopped walking and abruptly turned to face the officer walking directly behind her. He was so close he barely avoiding crashing into her.

"Do they really need to walk this close?" Kyouya waved his hand and all six armed officers took two steps backward. "Wonderful… do they fetch too?"

"Depends on what it is you want to retrieve and how many of them it would theoretically take. You're going to be late for class."

"And why do you need to be here?"

Kyouya smirked. "I don't know if you noticed, but they don't have much in the form of common-sense. I wasn't here to tell them what to do, you'd be wearing a full-body bullet-proof outfit, the halls would have been emptied and there would be a guard at every door you would need to pass. That is, of course, if they didn't give you an assumed name and new identity and whisk you and your father away to the Swiss Alps where you would live under guard in a cabin equipped with laser security, anti-missiles and a anti-telecommunications scrambler to prevent digital spying."

"…Oh…"

"Besides, I'm quite amused by this."

"Red Alert! Red Alert! Threat detected, secure target!"

"Wha..!"

"Just calm down." Kyouya looked distinctly bored as the two were thrust into a classroom and the door blocked by one particularly muscular officer. "This happens a lot."

"I'm not going to get used to this."

"Sirs, step away from the targets or we will be forced to use violence." Six weapons were pointed at someone Haruhi couldn't quite see.

"We're in the same class! We just want to talk to Haruhi."

"I'm afraid that is impossible. Our orders are to prevent interaction between the target and yourselves. You fit the profile. Two distinctly malicious-looking identical beings."

"Umm… Hikaru, Kaoru?" Haruhi tried to see over the bulky guy's shoulder.

"Haruhi! What's going on?"

"I don't know. Tamaki-sempai's behind it though."

"Hey Kyouya-sempai, call them off!"

"Sorry, I can't." Haruhi glared at the complete lack of actual sorry-ness behind Kyouya's words.

"Let me see this profile." After a moment debating whether or not it would be alright, the head attack-dog handed over the file to the scowling twins. "What! Unarmed but assumed dangerous? Potential to breath fire or become invisible? This doesn't even look like us!" Hikaru waved the sketch around angrily. "I do not have fangs! And there are no horns on Kaoru's head either."

"Sorry sir but you fit the profile. Please step away before we are forced to fire." Inside Haruhi groaned and wondered whether jumping out the window to her death would be worth it.

Kaoru and Hikaru watched as the Ootori brute squad hurried Haruhi down the aisle and away from them.

"This is low. Even for tono."

"Don't worry Kaoru. I have a plan."

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

The day dragged on for Haruhi. Twenty seven times she had to call Kyouya to stop his men from accosting random red-headed people, disturbing class or trying to follow her into the bathroom. The teachers had began to get slightly annoyed until fan-girls of the host club informed them of the 'threat to Haruhi's life' and how 'Kyouya-sempai's love was keeping him alive'. Kyouya's appearance every time Haruhi phoned didn't help the rumors. By that afternoon, twice the usual number of girls headed for the third music room.

Much to Haruhi's dismay, the brute squad didn't leave when it came time for her to go to the host club.

"Kyouya-sempai…"

"Their presence is attracting more customers. I did not expect the response to this to be this great. This is good for business… or have you forgotten your debt? Be grateful, you are excused from duties today and the usual number of designations will be credited to your account."

So Kyouya would be no help. Well at least she wouldn't have to entertain today.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Honey-chan had managed to get icing all over his chin, and most of the girls in the room were busy squealing as Takashi wiped it off. Kaoru risked a glance over to where Haruhi was finally enjoying some study time. A tear escaped from the corner of his eye. He moved to wipe it away before anyone noticed, but Hikaru was too fast for him.

"Kaoru! Are you alright? Is something wrong?" Their clients turned their attention to the twins. Kaoru flung himself into his brother's arms and sobbed.

"I'm s-sorry. I'm so sorry Hikaru! I didn't mean to get you in trouble. I'm so sorry!"

"Shh, no, it's my fault Kaoru." Gently he brushed his brother's tears away. "I knew you were tired and I should have held you myself. No, this isn't your fault."

"But I've got you in trouble with tono, and you didn't do anything. Hikaru I'm sorry!"

"It's alright. It's alright, I'll be fine. When we get home we can curl up in my bed and we'll forget all about it."

"Is he alright?" One of the concerned clients asked. "Is there anything we can do?"

"No, thank you though. It's nothing. Kaoru just over-reacts sometimes."

"Please Hikaru! Tell them the truth, don't try to protect me." He pushed himself out of his brother's embrace. "I'm sorry ladies, but the truth is Tamaki-sempai is angry at Hikaru now and it's all my fault."

"Kaoru! I mean it. It's alright. You ask me not to protect you, but that is what I am supposed to do! Please, for my sake, forget about it."

"I can't."

"What happened Kaoru-kun?" Another client leaned forward curiously.

"Haruhi-kun… was afraid went to hide under the table. I followed him, and Hikaru came too to make sure I didn't do anything stupid. I only wanted to comfort Haruhi-kun but I feel so… comfortable around him. I haven't felt that from anyone but my brother before. After a while I guess I must have… fallen asleep in Haruhi-kun's lap… and tono found us and thought I was doing… improper things to Haruhi. I would never take advantage of Haruhi-kun like that! But I understand why tono was upset. Our position looked very, very bad. Anybody seeing us in that position would have been angry. So in exchange for not telling Haruhi's father about me, Hikaru agreed to stay far away from him. I…I didn't mean for him to suffer for my wrongs! Both of us like Haruhi-kun so much… I think he might be Hikaru-kun's best friend apart from me… I even told him, if anything happened to me, he could let Haruhi-kun sleep on my side of the bed so he wouldn't be lonely… but now…"

All three clients were in tears as Kaoru collapsed sobbing back into his brother's arms. Other ladies had started to wander over and soon a crowd began growing.

"It's alright Kaoru."

"No it's not! If I die, Haruhi can't take my side of the bed anymore because…"

"Don't speak of such things! We're going to live together and die together! And even though tono bribed Kyouya-sempai into having Haruhi-kun protected, I'm sure it won't last long." By now the room was packed with girls who were hastily called by their friends and friends-of-friends to come quickly. One girl, completely dissolved in tears, mustered up the bravery to approach Kyouya.

"Um… Kyouya-sempai? I understand that you have Haruhi-kun's best interests at heart, but please, you can't separate him from Hikaru and Kaoru. They aren't complete anymore without him! I'll… I'll even buy a hundred copies of whatever is coming out next! And I'll pay five times the price for them!"

"Me too! I'll take fifty copies at six times the price!"

"Twenty at ten times the price!"

"Let Haruhi-kun go back to the warmth of the Hitachiin twins and I'll buy whatever you have left in stock right now!"

One girl, determination set in her face, slammed her hand down on the table beside his computer. "Five hundred copies at thirty times the price."

Girls clamored their offers and the twins shared a secret smirk as Kyouya crumbled.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

"Sorry I'm late! I had to WHAT IS GOING ON HERE!?" Haruhi sat sandwiched between sobbing twins as they held her closely. Hundreds of girls shrieked in glee when Hikaru leaned his head against Haruhi's and Kaoru snuggled up against her neck.

Tamaki's mouth dropped open. "But… the security…my plan… Kyouya… Mommy! What have you done?!?"

Kyouya's eyes never left the increasing figures on his screen. "Sorry Tamaki."

"But… we had a deal…"

"I never said I'd only co-operate with you. And the Hitachiin brothers had a more convincing argument. Oh, and I sold all those replicas of your teddy-bear that we had left over. And all our merchandise for the next two months is pre-ordered and paid for. I'm going to have to order five times the number products."

"Kyouya… you traitor. Alright, I'll have to put phase two into operation!"


	3. Chapter 3

"I don't like this at all."

"Maybe he's given up?" Hikaru shook his head.

"Remember the 'Which one is Hikaru' game? He kept trying even when he knew he could never win. No, he's plotting something, I can feel it." Tamaki chose that moment to glance over at the twins and flash a brilliant smile.

"I see what you mean. He must know that it won't be as fun without him playing, so he's biding his time."

"…You really think he has that much sense?" The twins regarded each other and thought for a moment.

"Nope." They said in unison. "But then what could…" The idea came to both of them at once. "Kyouya-sempai! He probably came up with a plan and told tono to wait…"

"I'm not involved in your game." The 'shadow king' appeared behind them. "Whatever Tamaki is doing, he's doing it on his own. Or he's asked Mori-sempai and Honey-sempai to help. I am no longer involved."

In the distance the bell rang, signaling the start of class. Without giving Tamaki a chance to put whatever plan he might have come up with, Hikaru and Kaoru grabbed Haruhi and rushed off to class.

Tamaki watched them go, a smirk that would startle Kyouya lingering on his face.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

"Is there any other business?" Souga Kazukiyo sighed as obviously no one in the class was paying attention to him. "Ladies and gentlemen, this is a class meeting where you're supposed to discuss any issues you might have. Please, if there is anything else that concerns you, bring it up now…"

"Squeeeeeaaaaallll!"

Kazukiyo gave up. Apparently the class was much more interested in watching the Hitachiin twins fawn over Haruhi-kun than listen to him. "If there's nothing else then this meeting is…"

"One moment Souga-san."

Hikaru and Kaoru both tensed as the door to the class slid open, but relaxed when they saw it was only Honey-sempai.

"Ah… Haninozuka-sempai…"

"Come out here for a minute. I need to talk to you." Morinozuka Takashi's towering presence in the hall made the class president realize that the cute, bouncy little blonde's request was really more of a demand. Gulping, he went into the hall and slid the door shut behind him.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

"It's okay Kaoru, it's only Honey-sempai and Mori-sempai. A teacher probably sent them for something."

Kaoru's eyes never left the door. "I don't know… remember what Kyouya-sempai said? What if he was warning us?"

"Since when has he been on our side?"

Haruhi managed to wriggle from between them. Ever since the spectacle in the music room last week the twins never left her alone at school. "What competition are you two having now? And why can't you leave me out of it?"

"Dear Haruhi-chan," Hikaru trapped her face between his hands. "We are fighting baka tono for your kiss."

"MOE!!!" The fangirls all screamed.

"…No." Haruhi once again pried herself from Hikaru's grip, only to find herself caught in Kaoru's.

"Hikaru-kun, you can't treat Haruhi-kun like that! You have to be more gentle, not like you are with me."

"Of course." The older twin leaned over the annoyed girl to come face to face with his brother and grasp his chin. "It's just sometimes I forget I can't treat Haruhi-kun like I do you. Haruhi-kun doesn't like the kind of things you like."

"Hi…Hikaru! Not in front of everybody! Not in front of Haruhi!"

"Haruhi-kun is used to it by now, aren't you?"

"MMMMOOOOOOOOOOEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!" And several someones fainted from over-exposure to moe.

"Would you two knock it off?" A foot to one gut and an elbow to the other and Haruhi was free. "I'm not going to kiss either one of you. I should kiss Honey-sempai just to spite you."

"AAAAAAIIIIEEEEEEEEEEE." By now several of the boys were torn between trying to revive their classmates and covering up their nosebleeds.

"Ladies and gentlemen! I have an important announcement!" Kazukiyo looked much better now that he knew he wasn't in any danger of facing legendary martial artists' wrath. "The senior class is deciding to start a program to encourage scholastic achievement. The person with the top grades from each class will be considered a senior student for a week! Let's all congratulate Fujioka Haruhi-sempai!"

The unconscious fangirls woke up in time to start cheering and clapping for Haruhi, who at that moment wore a '_What now?'_ expression.

Hikaru winced and Kaoru twitched. "Somehow tono is behind this." Honey-chan grinned at them half apologetically while he helped Haruhi stuff all her things into her bag and then tossed it to Takashi.

"You're gonna have so much fun with me and Taka-kun Haru-chan! Even though the senior-for-a-week officially starts on Monday, we figured you'd want to find your desk and all your classes. Everybody's gonna love you! Right Taka-kun?"

"Ah."

"Um…Thanks…Honey-sempai." Haruhi shivered from the evil glares she knew the twins were giving the two seniors.

"Haru-sempai! Kawaii!!!" Honey-chan shut the door, abruptly cutting off the fangirl screams.

"Don't be mad Haru-chan! It wasn't our idea. Tama-kun wants to protect you from being smothered. Please don't be mad!" Haruhi couldn't help but smile at Honey-chan.

"I'm not mad… just kind of annoyed at all three of those baka."

"So you'll still eat cake with me and Taka-kun?"

"Of course!"

"YAY!" Honey-chan jumped up and wrapped his arms around her neck and piggy-backed all the way to his class.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

"_Who is that guy?"_

"_He's from the host club I think. Fujioka, the scholarship student."_

"_What's he doing with Honey-chan?"_

"_Isn't Takashi-kun the only person Honey-chan lets carry him?"_

"_Apparently not…"_

Haruhi tried not to fidget under the scrutinizing stares of all the senior students in the class. Honey-chan had jumped down and ran to tell Usa-chan that Haruhi would be in the same class with him for a whole week. Haruhi tripped over a bag, but quickly caught herself before landing on her face, but not before she heard several sniggers. She fought vainly to keep down a blush and not look directly at any of the other students. All she managed to do, however, was trip over a second bag.

This time hands caught her before she stopped herself. She smiled ashamedly. "Thanks Mori-sempai."

"Hm." With an easy motion, he scooped her up into his arms. Dead silence reigned over the class as he walked over to his desk. The desk next to his was rapidly vacated by its former occupant and Takashi deposited Haruhi in the seat and sat in his seat beside her. There was another heartbeat of silence while Honey-chan bounced onto Takashi's shoulders and shoved a big slice of cake towards Haruhi. And then…

"KAWAII!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

_Kami-sama! There are fangirls in every class!_

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

"Kyo-kun… Usa-chan thinks Kyo-kun is the only person benefiting from this." Kyouya looked down from his clipboard to regard the tiny senior.

"What do you mean Honey-sempai? There was no way I could have known that Tamaki putting Haruhi in a senior class for a week would triple the number of senior clients."

"Honey-chan! Haruhi-kun can't do his homework by himself and I really can't help him. Could you show us how to do this problem?" Honey-chan ran over to where Takashi and Haruhi were entertaining together. It was true, Haruhi's natural innocence was like a magnet. Whichever other hosts she worked with got twice the number of designations they would get alone…it was something Kyouya had to consider for the future.

"How long are you going to let this go on?" Renge appeared by him and followed his gaze to the angry twins and the oblivious senior duo who were pawns in Tamaki's plan.

""You claim to be the host club manager. Surely you must see the financial benefits of this."

"Oh…" Renge got a crafty look on her face. "If you're thinking what I think you're thinking, then you're even more devious than I suspected…"

"Kyouya-sempai!" The twins finally descended on him. "We need…"

"No."

"But you tried to help us this morning!"

"Did I?" Renge smothered a giggle at Kyouya's attempt at an innocent face, which only turned out to be even more devious-looking. "It must have slipped my mind. Why don't you get Renge to help you?"

"What?" All three stared at him open mouthed.

"Not the crazy otaku!"

"Kyouya-kun, what are you up to?"

"Nothing." Everyone shuddered at his chilling smile. "I just thought that if Haruhi had nothing to do this weekend then Renge might want to invite her over for something."

"How would that help!?" The twins yelled.

"I suppose it wouldn't really. Oh, Renge, if you want to visit Haruhi this weekend, be sure to get her number before she leaves or you'll have to call Tamaki for it."

"Wha…" She watched him walk away, more than slightly stunned.

"Reeeennggee…." Slowly she turned and found herself nose to nose with two wicked grins. "Would you like to help us with a little plan?"


	4. Chapter 4

_Italics: thought or background scenes_

Normal writing: speech or foreground scenes

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

_Ring…_

_Ring…_

_Ring…_

_Ring…_

"Go 'way…" Tamaki grumbled and rolled over. The ringing didn't stop.

Tamaki didn't seem like it, but he could be a very patient person. He decided to outwait the caller and hopes that the person at the other end gave up first.

But twenty three minutes later…

_Ring…_

_Ring…_

"What do you want?" Tamaki moaned as he gave in and picked up the phone. He was generally a polite person… but he had gotten to sleep at four that morning after planning the next step in his plans.

"NO! That is NOT how you answer the telephone! If you MUST be impolite at least do it in a sad voice, as if you had been crying yourself to sleep!"

"…Renge?"

"OHOHOHOHOHO! You must play the part of the lonely prince at all times!"

"Renge? What do you need at…" he checked his clock, "eight thirty on a Saturday?"

"I wanted to take Haruhi-kun on a picnic in my estate's garden but I've misplaced her number."

"…you stayed on the phone for half an hour to ask me for Haruhi's number?"

"Well I needed it. And when I called Kyouya-kun he…"

There was a sniff on the other end of the line and Tamaki immediately sympathized with any person who had to interact with Kyouya early in the morning.

"Alright. I'll get the number…"

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

"Hello?"

"Kaoru-kun? Tamaki-kun gave me her cell-phone number."

"Wait a few minutes until he's back asleep, then call him again and say her cell phone is off. He'll give you her house number. Then you're going to tell him…

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

_Ring…_

_Ring…_

_Ring…_

"What have I done? What sins have I committed?" Tamaki groaned loudly. It was probably Renge. And that meant she wasn't going to hang up. "Hello…"

"Tamaki-kun? Her cell phone is off."

"Fine, here's her house number…"

"Umm… I…Tamaki-kun? I'm scared…"

"Of what?"

"What if her father hates me!?!?!?! What if he thinks I'm some sort of freakish stalker!? What if… what if it's not right among commoners for a girl to call another girl at her house? Please, please, PLEASE call for me!! Please? Ask if Haruhi-kun can have lunch at my estate at 12:30."

Cursing the manners his mother taught him as a child, Tamaki found himself giving in. "Alright. I'll call you back."

With a labored sigh Tamaki dialed Haruhi's house phone.

"Hello. Ah, Ranka-san, this is Suoh… hello? Hello? Ranka-san?" He looked at the phone and dialed the number again.

"You don't seem to understand that I don't like you."

"Ranka-san, please don't hang up. A friend of Haruhi's wants to invite her over for lunch today. I can vouch for her: she is a well mannered young lady and is quite…"

"Sorry, no."

"But Ranka-san! I can even guarantee that I won't be at the lunch!"

There was a smile in his voice as Ranka answered. "As tempting as that sounds, Haruhi-chan can't go to lunch with anyone today because she isn't here and won't be back 'til tomorrow."

"…oh…" Curiosity got the better of him. After all, Renge did say that her cell phone was turned off. "If it's okay, could you tell me where Haruhi is?"

"She's spending the weekend at her friends' house. You know, those two nice brothers from your little club."

"EH!?" Tamaki's entire body drained of color. "The…The Hitachiin twins!?!?"

"Yep, that's them. Sweet boys, those two. You could learn a few things from them boy. They even said that she didn't need to bring any clothes…"

Tamaki dropped the phone back onto its cradle as the inner Tamaki theater began its countdown.

_3_

_2_

_1_

_0_

"_But… isn't this a little too …short?" Haruhi tried to pull down the back of her extremely short nightdress while trying to pull up the mid-chest-cut cleavage._

"_It's hot this time of year so I thought you'd be a little more comfortable in something cool." Kaoru smiled at her from his bed. Haruhi stood straight up and pressed against the wall. If she so much as leaned in any direction, the designer thong would show. "In fact Haruhi, let me open the windows so we can get some breeze in here. The air-conditioning won't be fixed until morning." The air conditioning vent had hurriedly been stopped up with wads of clothes, but Haruhi couldn't have known that. Kaoru growled as the window clasp slipped from his grasp again. "How do commoners make this look so easy!?"_

"_Here, let me." Haruhi, eager to help, crawled over the bed to the window. It slid open easily. "See? Nothing to it." She looked up and was nose to nose with the younger twin._

"_Hmm…" Kaoru's hand slipped around her waist and started wandering down._

"_Kaoru! What are you doing?" Haruhi squeaked._

"_There was a moth. I was simply brushing it away."_

"_Oh."_

_There was a crash in the doorway and the two turned to look at the paling Hikaru. "Kao…Kaoru, what are you doing? That's… our bed. Your's and mine, not your's and Haruhi's…"_

"_Hikaru! I'm so sorry! I wasn't doing anything to…" A kiss on her cheek silenced Haruhi. Lips still millimeters from her skin, Kaoru whispered._

"_Silly big brother. There's always room for you on the bed, even with Haruhi here. Come."_

_Hikaru crawled in, holding Haruhi between them. And they started…_

_End credits_

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Ranka smirked at the phone and hung up. "Was that alright?"

"Perfect Ranka-san! You should be an actor!" Hikaru pressed a large wad of bills into his hand, and he immediately began to count them.

"I didn't really do it for the money, although it's a plus. I did it for the other part of our deal."

"I hate this dress." Ranka turned and beamed at his daughter who was wearing a Hitachiin original evening dress.

"Haru-chan! You look beautiful! We'll keep it!" Kaoru nodded and shooed Haruhi back to her room to try on the next outfit. "So whichever ones of these we… I… like, you'll give them to us?"

"Right." Hikaru smiled. "With the conditions that 1: you play your part for tono, which was very, very good incidentally, and 2: you make Haruhi wear the dresses sometime."

"I can live with that."

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Kyouya growled, promising death and destruction on the fool who dared disturb his sleep. Tamaki, unaware of the impending danger, paced his friend's room and wailed at the top of his voice.

"They're being bad mommy! I just know it! They'll do horrible things to her! OH MY POOR HARUHI!"

"Ta-Ma-Ki…" Tamaki glanced up and then cowered as far away from the youngest Ootori as possible. A purple and black thunder-cloud-like aura swirled around the boy and he sat up slowly in a Frankenstein-like way. "If. You. Value. Your. Life. You'll. Leave. Now."

"B-but…"

Random maids looked up curiously for a moment, and then returned to their duties, rightly supposing that the loud crash was a result of the young master's morning temper.

Tamaki lay twitching in the hall and Kyouya's door was swung shut by some invisible, evil force being radiated from the cranky boy. The book that had hit him with enough force to throw him out of the room and into the hallway wall lay beside him. For about a nano-second Tamaki considered returning it, but common sense took over. He'd give it back at school on Monday. As the blonde boy picked up the book his eyes glanced at the title. 'Host Club: Member Records'

A single page fluttered out and Tamaki panicked. If Kyouya found out he had torn a page from his precious records his temper would be unmatched! What if he just slipped the page back in and left it by the door? Maybe Kyouya would think it just fell out when he picked it up. Looking around to see if anybody was watching, Tamaki picked up the paper.

"Wait…it's one of Haruhi's pages…favorite foods…" A light bulb went off in the 'king's' head. Stealthily he opened the door and placed the book on the table inside and silently closed the door. He rushed to his house and headed straight for the kitchens. If they didn't have these foods, then they'd have to get them before lunch on Monday!

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Kyouya watched through half-closed eyes as the door slid open and then closed again. He listened for retreating footsteps and quickly checked the book to make sure Tamaki had taken the page with him. It would be a shame if the baka had missed the hint. The phone at his bedside rang.

"They did it."

"I know. You'll be compensated for your assistance."

"Happy to help."


	5. Chapter 5

"All this… for me?"

"Yep, yep!" Tamaki nodded happily. "All of it's for you!"

Honey-chan stared at the spread. "We can't have even a little bit?" Feeling Haruhi's stare, Tamaki fidgeted.

"Of course you can have some! But make sure Haruhi gets to pick first."

"Yay! Pick Haru-chan! Pick!"

"There's so much. I don't know what to try first!"

"Try some of everything! No, better still, have dessert first! The strawberry cake looks yummy! Take some of that!" Honey grabbed the cake and cut a generous slice for her. "Taka-kun, what do you think she should try?"

Quietly, Haruhi admired Honey-chan's attempts to include Takashi in all his conversations. Next to a personality like Honey-chan's it would be easy for someone like Takashi to get lost in the shadows.

Silently Takashi picked up a plate Haruhi hadn't noticed and handed it to her. "YAY Taka-kun! Fatty tuna!" Honey-chan jumped up and down. "That's perfect! Try that first!"

"Thanks Mori-sempai." He patted her head. Haruhi took a bite of the tuna and her eyes lit up in glee. "This is amazing!"

"Really!? You really like it!? I made it myself!" Five pairs of eyes focused on him.

"Really now, Tamaki?" Kyouya adjusted his glasses.

"Yep! It took me three tries and we have to replace four of the tiles in the kitchen and after that the cook ran me out and said he'd do the rest, but I made the tuna." Tamaki poked at the band-aids on most of his fingers.

"That sounds more realistic tono." He glared at his 'rivals'.

"Haru-chan?" Honey-sempai tugged at her jacket. "Is it hard to make tuna?"

"Um… it shouldn't be."

"Then how come Tama-kun broke his kitchen?"

"I'm not quite sure."

"Just smile and don't ask. You probably don't want to know." Everyone nodded at Kyouya's advice.

Haruhi poked her food with her chopsticks for a few seconds before quietly talking. "Tamaki-sempai… thank you, I mean, not just for the food, but for remembering the anniversary of my mom's death. I didn't think anybody knew but when I saw all the food and you trying to cheer me up… it makes me really happy to know that you care. So thanks."

Everything faded into dead silence. Kaoru and Hikaru wanted to slam their heads on the table. How did that guy get to be so lucky! Everybody, well everybody but Haruhi, knew that he had no idea what today was. She hadn't told them the exact day her mother died.

"Haruhi… I think your mom wouldn't have wanted you to spend the day mourning." Tamaki regained his composure before Haruhi could wonder about the pause.

"Yeah! Haru-chan's mommy would want Haru-chan to be happy!"

"Right!" The twins grabbed their chopstick. "So let's eat!"

Haruhi smiled. "Right!"

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

"Dumb luck! Pure, dumb, blind luck!"

"He's probably won the game with that!"

The twins paced the length of the music room. "How? How did he get so lucky?"

"Kyouya!" Hikaru rounded on the shadow king. "Did you tell the anniversary of Fujioka-san's death?"

"I am not in this little game of yours. Did you not see his face Hikaru? He was clueless as the rest of you."

"Oh, so you weren't clueless?" Kaoru eyed him suspiciously.

"I am never clueless. I already had a portrait of Fujioka-san and a card expressing the appropriate condolences delivered to the Fujioka residence."

"No fair Kyo-kun! You could have told us!"

"Yes."

"It must have slipped my schedule."

"What are we going to do Hikaru? We can't fight that!"

"Tamaki simply used the two standard tactics in a romantic battle."

"Oh, and what are those?" The members of the host club, minus Tamaki and Haruhi, gave their full attention to the vice-president.

"Emotion and personalization."

"What are you talking about?" Kyouya resisted the urge to roll his eyes at the Hitachiin choir.

"The first thing is to appeal to the girl's emotions in some way. Sympathizing with her or making it so she feels she can sympathize with or understand you is almost guaranteed to earn you points in your competition. And secondly, personalizing the attempt to connect with her, doing something that is uniquely yours, makes the gesture more realistic. In Tamaki's case it was his bumbling in the kitchen. If he had just ordered the food it wouldn't have meant as much, but he took the time to make the food himself. And now he's probably somewhere playing a lullaby on the piano for her. What you need is something uniquely yours."

The twins walked away and Honey-chan shot a shrewd glance at the younger boy. "Kyo-kun is up to something."

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

"How are going to come up with something like that?"

"I'm not sure. Give me some time, I'll think of something."

"I just wish Kyouya-sempai would be a little more specific when he's trying to help us, huh Kaoru? Kaoru? Hey Kaoru! Look out!"

"Hmm?" Kaoru was lost in his thoughts and misjudged a step. His arms flayed outwards as he tumbled forwards. Hikaru lunged forward to grab him, but their hands barely missed each other.

"KAORU!" A look of fear crossed both their faces as Kaoru's ankle twisted and he hurtled downwards.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Haruhi's head shot up when she heard Hikaru's scream. She and Tamaki burst around the corner to see Kaoru's head collide with the steps and his body roll down.

"KAORU!" Hikaru flung himself down the steps after his brother.

"No! Hikaru don't!" Tamaki raced and grabbed the younger boy before he could grab his brother's unmoving form."

"NO! Let me go damn you! Kaoru!"

"Haruhi!" But she was already gone for a doctor. "Hikaru listen to me! You can't touch him! If you move him you might make things worse."

Hikaru snarled. Blood had begun to trickle from the younger twin's head and he hadn't moved.

"Get off me! What the hell would a bastard like you know about anything?!" Tamaki stiffened, and Hikaru knew he had hit a sore point, but he was too terrified to care.

"Fine. I'll let you go. You run over there and pick him up and hold him like you do when you comfort him. If his neck is broken he gets bone shards stuck in his trachea and he drowns in his own blood. In this case protecting him will only hurt him more. You can't always hold on to him. I'll let you go so you can go kill him!"

Hikaru's chest heaved and tears streamed down his face, but his struggling slowed. "Kaoru… Kaoru…"

"Move aside!" A doctor and two nurses pulling a stretcher raced around the corner. Hikaru allowed Tamaki to pull him out of the way and watched with dull eyes while the medical staff worked.

"Hikaru…" Tamaki shook his head and Haruhi stood back nervously. The other host members had come running when they heard the shouts, but they hung back, feeling useless. It seemed like forever before they loaded the still unmoving twin onto a stretcher. They raced off, but the doctor paused a moment.

"Quick thinking Suoh-san." He gestured at Tamaki's death-grip on Hikaru's arms. "Moving the boy would have been dangerous." He raced off to catch up with the stretcher.

Once they were out of sight, Tamaki loosened his grip. Hikaru jerked free, and faster than anyone could move, he whirled on the blonde. "Damn you! I hate you!" His fist slammed into the other boy's face.

Tamaki couldn't really tell if it hurt or not. Everything seemed numb and disconnected. He knew Hikaru was screaming at him but he couldn't make out any words. He knew he was falling, but he couldn't figure out why he didn't feel anything when he landed. Kyouya was talking to him, asking him something, but he couldn't answer. All he could do was just look up and wonder why everything seemed so far away.

"Hikaru! Hikaru please, get a hold of yourself!" He shook Haruhi off easily, but he couldn't do the same to Takashi.

"I'm going to kill him! Let me go! Let me go! I hate him!"

"Let him go." Kyouya glared at his friend.

"Tamaki now is not the time for…" Tamaki pushed himself up and shoved Kyouya away.

"I said something I shouldn't have. And he needs to get this out. Mori-sempai let him go."

Takashi shot a curious glance at Honey and Kyouya, who both shrugged. He dropped his arms and Hikaru flew forward.

A second punch flattened Tamaki. Takashi, Honey and Haruhi all started forward, only to be stopped by Kyouya.

"Tamaki knows what he's doing."

"I hate you. I hate you. I hate you." Hikaru knelt over Tamaki, hands shaking. He squeezed his eyes closed, but the tears streamed out anyway. "I hate you I hate you I hate you I HATE YOU!" This time his fist landed next to Tamaki's head. He wanted it. He wanted to see pain in the blonde's eyes. He wanted to see fear. He wanted to see it. He needed to see it. But all that was there was sadness. And he couldn't stop the sobs from tearing trough him. He didn't struggle when a hand pulled his head down to rest on a heaving chest.

"Hikaru, I'm sorry."

Hikaru couldn't answer.

"Kyouya? Can I …"

"Yes." Haruhi moved over to the two boys and pulled the sobbing twin off Tamaki and into her own hug. Tamaki sat up again, rubbing the side of his face where Hikaru's punches had landed.

"They took Kyo-kun's advice without even knowing it. Emotion, and the thing they have that no one else has was each other. You know Taka-kun, it's really sad." Honey watched Haruhi hold Hikaru and whisper comforts into his ear, occasionally pressing her lips to his hair. "Hikaru-kun won, and he doesn't even realize."

"Ah."


	6. Chapter 6

"Looks like everything worked out alright." Honey nodded. Lunch outside was definitely a good idea today.

"I'm glad Kao-chan's alright." Kyouya, Honey, Takashi and Tamaki sat around a wrought-iron picnic table and watched Haruhi try to brush off her two hyper classmates. "That reminds me Tama-kun, what did you say that made Hika-kun so mad at you?"

"It's not really that important. You know me!" Tamaki grinned. "I always say stupid things." No one at the table was convinced.

"Ah, tono? Can I talk to you for a second?" Kaoru started to get up but Hikaru waved him back. "No, not this time. It's just me and him."

The world could have disintegrated and time itself could have imploded and the host club members probably wouldn't have noticed. Tamaki nodded and started after the older Hitachiin.

"Kyouya… if I don't come back in ten minutes send Honey-sempai and Mori-sempai to rescue me."

"Don't worry tono. Hikaru won't kill you." He looked around curiously at the gazes he was getting from everyone. "What? What is it?"

"Ah, never mind Kaoru."

Behind him he could hear Kaoru still asking what had happened that everyone else knew about.

"What is it?" Hikaru crossed his arms sullenly.

"The doctors said he was lucky. He had a strained ankle and a cut on his head but that was it. They were surprised he didn't even have a concussion after falling down that length of stairs. He had to stay home a rest for two days, but the doctors say he's all right now."

"That's good."

"Tono… Tamaki-sempai… I've never been really good at making apologies…"

"Well that's okay. I've never been really good at accepting them."

Hikaru glared. "You're making this difficult."

Tamaki grinned. "You bet!"

"I… was scared. I've never been without Kaoru before, and seeing him there… it had never occurred to me before that he might die sometime and leave me… knowing I might not see him again…"

"That was very heartless of me. I shouldn't have said that. Besides, that height was unlikely to kill him."

"Still, I didn't mean it, when I called you a… well you know. And you're annoying, but I don't really hate you. At least I don't hate you right now. I really hated you then though."

"Apology accepted! Now, we can talk about forgetting about this whole stupid contest."

A sneaky grin came across Hikaru's face. "That's just because we won."

"WHAT! She was consoling you! It doesn't count!"

"Yes it does. Besides, she kissed Kaoru's cheek later."

"He was unconscious! That doesn't count either! Hey! Don't you walk away from me!"

They bickered all the way back to the table, where Kaoru immediately jumped in the argument on his brother's side.

"You didn't even feel it!"

"You know Hikaru, now that tono mentions it, I do remember feeling something when I was unconscious…"

"NOT POSSIBLE! You're making it up!"

"You're just jealous because Haruhi kissed us."

"That's it! Another competition and this time you're going to lose!"

The matching Cheshire cat grins faded into view. "How about a water-gun fight tono?"

"Right here, right now!"

Haruhi sighed in exasperation as the boys ran to change into swim-trunks. "It feels like they're never going to stop."

"I wanna play too! Play with us Haru-chan!"

"We have a class meeting." Honey pouted at Takashi.

"Not fair. I don't wanna go! I wanna play." But he waved goodbye and followed obediently. Kyouya rose and started to pick up his untouched dinner basket.

"You have to go too Kyouya-sempai?"

"No. When those baka start their competitions they tend to forget there are other people around. I'd rather not get wet today."

"FIRE!" The twins jumped out from behind a bush and blasted Tamaki who hadn't had time to find cover. Haruhi dodged a misaimed spout of water and decided Kyouya probably had the right idea. She grabbed her bento and made a dash for the music room. Another spout of water hit her square in the back, but who did it or whether or not they even noticed she couldn't tell. She managed to make it inside without getting too wet.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

"Didn't move fast enough?"

She smiled. "I should have left when you did Kyouya-sempai." She dropped down in the chair across from him and opened her bento.

"What I am curious about is why you put up with this."

"Well it really annoyed me, until Honey-sempai told me that it wasn't much use getting mad at Tamaki or Hikaru and Kaoru, since they were all pretty much pawns in your plan."

"Is that so?"

"Now my turn to ask a question. Why did you try so hard to sabotage everyone else?"

"I was bored. And it was interesting."

"That sounds like something Kaoru and Hikaru would say."

"It was quite profitable. Our income over the past two weeks has increased by at least ten. I figured that as long as they were bringing in more customers and they didn't break anything, it was alright with me."

"But that still doesn't explain why you manipulated everyone from behind the scenes."

"…I have no idea why."

"You know what I think sempai? You didn't want any of them to win. So you pretended to be 'helping' both sides, but really you were making them get in each others way. I think in your own strange way you care about me."

"That's an interesting opinion."

"Don't tell me you were after a kiss from me…"

Kyouya looked properly annoyed. "I have no interest in their little game. The game I play has it's own rules.

"Well," she finished off her bento, "that's a relief. Well I'm going home now." She got up. As she was passing by his chair, Kyouya caught her arm.

"Try to be a little more upset when Tamaki thinks dirty thoughts or when those two fondle you."

"Kyouya-sempai?"

"You're allowing them to molest you. It's not proper by any standards. Try to be more concerned about yourself."

Haruhi couldn't help a smile. "Okay sempai." His arm fell from hers and he turned back to his meal. Suddenly his eyes widened as Haruhi flung her arms around his neck and stole a kiss on his cheek before running out. For a long time he stared at the closed door.

"…Haruhi?"

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Haruhi felt like skipping from class. Finally! Back in her own seat, with her own classmates and problems she could actually answer! After a week in the senior class, her classroom felt like heaven. She swung open the doors to the third music room, convinced that nothing would ruin her mood. She was even forty minutes early today, so she would have time to go along with whatever crazy scheme the king came up with before the clients arrived.

She was greeted by screams.

Haruhi blinked, and checked her watch. She was definitely early. So what were all these girls doing here?

"Uh, Tamaki-sempai? What…"

"They're here by invitation for the private screening. It went on sale this morning and every copy sold out before first period. Kyouya ordered ten more shipments already. They should be here before the end of the screening."

"Screening? Of what?"

"Haruhi-kun, please, can I have your autograph?"

"Me too! Oh, Haruhi-kun, me too!"

Haruhi looked at what was thrust into her hands. "What the… Host Club Love? Produced by Houshakuji Renge, directed by Ootori Kyouya." The picture on the front was a shopped photo of herself wearing a flowing white gown, curled up and asleep in the center of a red rose. She flipped the video over and read the blurb aloud. "Destined to be the center of controversy, Fujioka Haruhi becomes the prize in a fierce battle between former friends. Follow the story of a young person's search for love in a…" She blinked. She blinked again. But it was still there. The blurb, the screenshots, all of it was right there in her hand. The first shot had her and the twins under the table. Another had her being carried by Takashi. Still a third showed her reluctantly modeling the Hitachiin dresses.

"Haruhi-kun?"

"Um, please excuse me ladies, I need to talk to Kyouya-sempai for a moment."

"SQUEAL!"

"Is it about the last scene? Oh that was so kawaii!"

"So unexpected! Kyouya-san of all people…"

"Sempai!" Kyouya looked up.

"Oh, Haruhi you need to get changed sometime between now and the end of the screening. We're having a photo shoot and Renge arranged for a graphics designer to create a promotional poster, so we'll nee you, Tamaki and the twins to pose for that."

"Kyouya-sempai… when… why… how!? The table scene…"

"In preparation for this movie I had cameras installed in several appropriate places. I made sure that every square inch of this room came up on a camera. Also, I receive the footage on a portable screen and I then determine the angle the camera would need to move to correctly capture the scene. There was quite a bit of editing in order to keep your secret however."

Haruhi still had trouble putting together full sentences. "But… even under the table? And my house…"

"This," Kyouya said, holding out a life-like bird, "is the latest technology in candid video recording. One followed all of you everywhere. And as for the table, it has been my experience in this club that interesting things happen under tables. Get ready for your autograph signing."

"I should have known. Kyouya-sempai, you are truly frightening. I should have guessed this from the very beginning." Shaking her head, Haruhi walked toward the inner room.

"That was really smart Kyo-kun!" Honey-chan beamed up at him. "You can't look like you're going soft right?"

"Pardon?"

"I watched that last scene. That was very real Kyo-kun. You must be a really good actor, right?"

Kyouya saw something a little different in Honey's smile, and the same look reflected in Takashi's eyes.

"It's too bad that Tama-kun, Haru-chan, Kao-kun and Hika-kun don't realize what a good actor you are."

Kyouya returned the knowing smile as the twins called for the 'evil shadow master'.

"Yes Honey-sempai, it really is a pity, isn't it."


End file.
